Heartbreak

I had my heart utterly and completely broken yesterday.
Monday after school, Isabelle was a bit down.  She told me that her 'best friend' didn't want to play with her at lunch recess.  I asked her why not, she didn't know. I responded by telling her sometimes our friends just want to play with other people and she should just ask someone else to play, or say tell them she has no one else to play with, can she play with them.
Yesterday, she tells me that she had asked another friend, from the other class, to play... but she didn't want to either. I asked her what she did at lunch when this happens.....
I walk around by myself.... <insert teary-eyed mom here>
What???  How could anyone not want to play with my beautiful angel?? How dare anyone hurt her so!!
I did my best to remain calm at the moment, but I confess, I have been breaking into sobbing tears when she is not around.
I wonder if this happened to me as a child?  I know I didn't have many close friends, I still don't, but she as always been so popular with the other kids.
I am a total introvert... Belle is the exact opposite.. an extreme extrovert. She loves attention... is this perhaps the problem?  I wonder if it is perhaps her kookyness, her wild imagination, her ability to disappear into another place that freaks them out. I watch her when she has friends over, and most of them just don't get it.  They are so not as creative as she is.

One small step....

Well, I have finally done it.
Last night, at 1:50 am, I decided to start sleep training Abby.  It's not as spur of the moment as it sounds.
You see, I have been reading an e-book on sleep training, sent to me by an old friend.  By old, I mean I knew her a long time ago, not that she is 'old'.
Anywho.... She woke crying and I decided not to pick her up.  Usually, I scoop her up and nurse her back to sleep, but, I have had enough of that.  She doesn't really need a feeding in the middle of the night, so I let her cry, hoping her soother would do the trick.  Well, cry she did. She has this agonizing, high pitched scream that makes you want to pick her up just to make it stop. I can only imagine what the neighbours think.

Abby's first su-su.

Let me tell you, I thought Mike was going to strangle me.  He can't stand it when she cries.  He asked me more than once if he could pick her up.  I refused, determined to see this through.
Well, after about 40 minutes of her screaming on and off, she finally fell back to sleep.
So today I decided to try taking away the soother (gasp!)  Belle didn't give her's up until she was 4 and I don't want to deal with that again. Besides... 'the book says' to remove sleep props that she can't control herself. 

My 'big girl' with her su-su.

Nap one came around and I put her down with no su-su.  I stayed in the room with her, as this was bound to be brutal. She screamed again for 30 minutes. BUT she slept for a whole HOUR! Yay!
Nap two, she only cried for 10 minutes, so I thought we would keep it away... and off to bed for the night she went sans su-su. She has woken a few times, crying, but went back to sleep fairly quickly.
As I write this, 1:30 quickly approaches. 
Only time will tell if this is going to work.....

Sleep. Or lack there of.

One of the biggest sacrifices you will even make as a mom is blissful, uninterrupted sleep. 
I don't think I have had a full night's sleep in over 6 years.
I'm not exaggerating. 
Not even a little. 
My worst enemy is the Angel Care baby monitor. 
It clicks on at the slightest noise from the girls' room.
Every time it does, my eyes pop open, my breathing stops, and I wait. 
I wait.
I wait. 
Sometimes there is sweet silence. 
Most of the time there is a crying baby, or a little girl in the middle of a night terror or, god forbid, another spontaneous nose bleed.
My first thought when I wake up in the morning is usually, "What time can I go to bed tonight?"
Before Abby was born, and Belle would sleep over at Granma's, I would wake up wondering if she was ok.
Now, if Abby sleeps past 4 am I wake up wondering if she is still breathing.
I don't dare go in and check, because if I do, she will surely wake up.
Lately, I am luck if I get 4 straight hours.
And, boy oh boy, does it take a toll.
I drop things all the time.
I trip over my own feet.
I probably should not drive.
I am grumpy, a lot.
Want to know the kicker?
I am a freakin' night owl and can't sleep before 11pm.
Don't even get me starting on having to give up caffeinated coffee.

You do WHAT??

I was at a mom group the other day, and low and behold I had to change Abby's diaper.  As I was packing away her dirty nappy, another mom looked at me and asked, "What are those?" "They are GroVia!", I replied. "But what ARE they?"
Cloth diapers... they are CLOTH diapers.  I don't know if you can imagine the looks I got from the other moms, or the questions.
Yes, I am a cloth diaper mum. I heart cloth diapers. They are just so freakin' cute!

I used cloth on Isabelle, 6 years ago, and let me tell you, it wasn't nearly as fun! Yes, I said FUN ;)
I am a cloth diaperaholic.  Every day I am online looking at diapers. It is a bit of an obsession.  When Belle was a babe there was very little choice in diapers. Now there are so many, it is hard to choose!
Why, you might ask, do I use cloth diapers, when disposables are soooooo much easier?
Well, besides the obvious "save the planet" spiel I could throw at you, they really are very easy to use. Sure, they are a bit more work, I mean you have to wash them and stuff. But they are no more difficult to use, they are cheaper in the long run, no diaper rash, and did I mention how CUTE they are??
I have even gone so far as to consider selling them from my home.  There is absolutely NOWHERE in the South Surrey/White Rock area that sells cloth diapers.  It is really quite ridiculous considering we have at least one baby store that sells $1000 buggies... like REALLY?

Routine? What Routine?

As I lie beside baby Abigail, waiting for the screaming to stop and the peace to come, I think to myself, "Self, you really should start that blog you have been meaning to get to." "Yes Self, you're right.... but what, oh what, should I blog about??"
And, as per usual, my mind wander off to other things... things like what to make for dinner... or order... I really should clean the house or maybe read a book... I hope she stops screaming soon... why won't she just sleep? How can she stand being so tired? Maybe I should start a routine...
HA! Routine-shmoutine. I have never been one for routines... I am more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type of gal. BUT I hear routines a good for babies.... is this perhaps why she never sleeps longer than 30 minutes during the day... oh crap... speak of the devil.. I mean ANGEL.
At least she is consistent...I'll give her that.
It's not like we have NO routine. We wake up at 7, get Belle to school for 8:30, pick her up again at 2:30. In between is more of a come-what-may type of day. Are you hungry? Let's have some lunch! Are you tired? Let's go for a nap! Are you bored? Let's have a bath!
But seriously, are routines all that important?